Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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