Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
