I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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