sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
