Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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