weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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