Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
