she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
