I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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