I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
