Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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