Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
