Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
