I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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