i don't like sucking hair
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
