I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
