woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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