happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
