I could have mohawked her pubes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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