I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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