dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
