I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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