i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
