I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
