Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
