Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
