Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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