girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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