her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
