too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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