Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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