I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
