Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
