I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
