the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
