The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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