Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
