dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
