After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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