Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
