I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
