i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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