you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
