Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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