woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
