I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
