Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
