just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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