my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
