omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
